Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Houston, we have a squirter
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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