God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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