i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
