the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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