I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
