Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
