During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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