Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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