Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
