Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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