I accidentally had phone sex last night
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
