There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
