he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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