I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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