i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
