If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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