Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
