I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
