You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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