Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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