This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
