Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
