My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize
