Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
