Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
