Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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