I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
