i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
