No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
