Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
