i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
