Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
