Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
