so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
