Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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