you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
