you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
