yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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