The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
