I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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