So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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