I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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