Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Alive.
So much puke
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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