I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
