none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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