he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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