i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
What drink are we having for lunch?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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