***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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