He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
