that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
