Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
