As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
