My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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