Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
