Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
