Having a random hookup so left but love u
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
