You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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