we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
