he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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