Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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