at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
