New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
