We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
