i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
