can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
